I am a very passionate, and sometimes careless, person. I like going for something with a big idea and only glancing at the little things when they come up. I'll spurt off a thousand ideas and try to run with each and every one. And I've come to like this about myself. I like having a creative mind and having crazy ideas that may or may not ever come to fruition. It can be really fun. But it also means that I hear a certain dreaded word from God a whole lot- wait.
Right now, that is what I'm hearing. I'm looking at different missions that I can support and ways to raise the money that God called me to. What makes this so difficult is that my mind wants to believe that it is all about the money. I could raise $3,000 with a little coaxing and puppy dog eyes if I needed to. Although it is a lot of money to me, if that was all it was about, I could use my passion and pursue it and be done. However, I have said many times that my God is WAY bigger than $3,000. So that leads me to is this: if God hasn't supplied me with the money yet, there is a reason. And maybe that reason is to grow me.
What?! Maybe this seems obvious, but I know to me it didn't. I mean, it made sense, but it still just kind of stunk. What do you mean this isn't all about ME raising the money? I never outwardly said it, but it seemed that God wanted to show me that He called me to this mission not to just spread His love out, but to help grow me within.
So I'm taking steps, but I'm not running. I'm learning valuable lessons about supporting the ministries surrounding me, and God is using me to show others what mission means. It's difficult and backwards. My mind says that $3,000 is a lot of money. The world tells me I can use it on myself. Society tells me that I need to get it done as fast as possible.
But God tells me that He is so much bigger than any amount of money. He tells me that I'm using it for something much longer lasting than anything I could purchase for myself. He tells me that when it gets done doesn't matter to Him, because He wants me to have patience and not jump the gun. He wants to grow me.
A couple of weeks ago I learned to play poker for the first time. I learned that when you "call" you basically match whatever was put out in order to stay in the round. It means you trust your cards enough to put them in, but maybe you don't want to go any higher quite yet. I feel, in a strange way, that that's what God's doing. It feels as though I haven't made a dent in the goal yet, but I know God has put enough in to say, "I'm here, and I'm betting on you."
And since He can see every card, I'm going to trust Him and wait for Him to make His next move.
